Venom: The Last Dance
Venom: The Last Dance is playing in theaters at the time of writing. Rated PG-13. Common Sense says 14+
Venom and Eddie (Tom Hardy) are on the run again. Not only is the military after them this time, an ancient alien race is in hot pursuit to find Venom so they can destroy the Earth.
STORY: D
It seems even these screenwriters have Venom fatigue.
It’s hard for an audience to have any passion for a film that doesn’t seem to have passion for itself. The writing in the first and third acts land like high school essays, penned with the bare minimum effort needed to pass.
The film’s middle section has the good sense to veer into the absurd via a glorious Las Vegas penthouse dance scene and a hippy family that just can’t seem to quit our hero, Eddie. It’s by far the strongest section of the film.
PEOPLE: D
Hardy’s performance rolls snake eyes.
Actors playing stoic characters have delivered stirring performances. Hardy (at least in this case) is not one of them.
There’s nothing wrong with being stoic. But Eddie battles evil space aliens, comforts a scared child, and struts his way down the Vegas strip. All with the exact same passion, pulse rate, and vibe.
Hardy’s far too talented and dedicated an actor to phone it in, but his choices fail to give this film the jolt it so desperately needs.
FILM NERD STUFF: B-
The CGI is done very well.
The effort, craft, and talent of the effects department are fully evident. No notes, actually.
ONE BIG LESSON: F
Don’t wait to make the right decision.
It’s hard to do the right thing when the right thing is a tough thing to do. However, once you do know what the right thing is, just do it. Waiting too long only makes things harder. Way harder.
I learned in this movie, for example, that waiting an hour and a half before finally choosing the only real option you’ve got can cost many millions of dollars in military asset losses, cost many aliens their lives, cost many people their lives, and force audience members to sit through what might be the most unimaginative film of the year.
Yes, I saw Madame Web.
FINAL COMMENTS:
This film includes a touching conclusion to Eddie and Venom’s relationship. I wouldn’t say it moved me per se, but I did actually enjoy it a whole bunch. The issue is, we definitely don’t need a whole movie to get to it. At least not this movie.
This film is a parade of people making bad choices. None of these choices make the film entertaining. None of them move the plot forward in any meaningful way. Yet, their greatest sin is that they only exist in order to drag this franchise’s bumbling, fumbling, final installment to a reasonable runtime.
If you love Venom and/or pointless spectacle, you’ll probably have a great time at this film. Not as great a time as you had at the previous Venom movies, but a fine time nonetheless.
But I beg you darling, don’t save this last dance for me.