Spider-Man: No Way Home
SCREENPLAY: A
Peter Parker’s teenage life is ruined when J. Jonah Jameson reveals his identity. Peter then convinces Dr. Strange to cast a spell which will make everyone forget he’s Spider-Man. Question: What could go wrong? Answer: Lots and lots of stuff, that’s what. The biggest thing that goes wrong is that Spidey’s villains from all across the multiverse are suddenly transported to this world. Total. Chaos.
Many people don’t get accepted by a college, or a trade school, or a job or that smokin’ hubba-hubba hottie in geometry class. But we handle it. We try again. We move on. Or we plead and beg people to reconsider. Can you imagine Doctor Octopus showing up in the midst of your pleading and begging? And trying to smash you to smithereens while you do it? That’s not a rhetorical question, friend. Imagine it. Sit with it a bit. Pay attention to the way you think it would make you feel. It would be bonkers, wouldn’t it? When I recall a not so proud moment from my own high school past - a time when I begged a certain girl to go out with me (I’m not above it, dear reader) - I reimagined it with the Green Goblin pinging pumpkin bombs at my skull. It’s funny. It’s silly and ridiculous. But it’s also kind of terrible since I really wanted this girl to go out with me, and Green Goblin was definitely not helping. That image in my head is all the feels. And Spider-Man: No Way Home is all the feels, too.
ACTING: A
All of it is so good. Tom Holland and Zendaya are back. They don’t do anything different. Which means their performances are perfect. I love them and pray they are this adorable and playful and genuine in real life. Jacob Batalon is back as Ned. I’ve always considered him the weakest link of the three teenagers, but his performance in No Way Home forces me to chuck that opinion in the trashcan. He’s fantastic in this movie. I love him. He wins the Most Improved Player Award in a runaway.
Alfred Molina is wonderfully savage as Doc Oc. He wins the Best Baddie Acting Award, which is impressive when you look at the other contestants. Jamie Foxx is subtle and superb as Electro. Willem Dafoe is diabolically delightful as the Green Goblin. Rhys Ifans is downright cold-blooded as The Lizard. And Thomas Haden Church delivers a gritty performance as Sandman. (It’s not really that gritty. But sand is gritty. I was trying to … I don’t know what I was trying to do. Never mind. He’s very good.)
CRAFT: A
There’s a lot of movement in this film. The characters are never in one spot for too long. They’re in Aunt May’s apartment. They’re in the city. They’re in the Sanctum Sanctorum. They’re on the Alexander Hamilton Bridge. They’re in a forest in the middle of nowhere. They’re in a multiverse! They’re everywhere, and we’re less than 30 minutes into the movie. Movies can be difficult to follow when they jump around this much. The editing helps us navigate the film’s leaps as easily as Spidey thwips his way down Broadway..
SPOILERS (NO Spoilers) (Elective Class): A+
Ok, I’m NOT giving away any spoilers in this section. But there is a major spoiler. I already knew about it when I watched it unfold in front of my way-too-wide open eyes, and it still gave me the biggest chills of the year. If you know the spoiler, rest easy and know that the filmmakers handle it so unbelievably well. If you don’t know the spoiler, you’ll know it when you see it. Just imagine me next to you, smiling and nodding, wishing I could experience it for the first time all over again.
FINAL COMMENTS:
When I was a young boy and people would ask me who my favorite superhero was, I’d always have an answer. Superman was my go-to for a while. And Batman. I went through a weird Green Lantern phase for a couple weeks back in grade school. But these heroes weren’t real favorites. They were always just a kind of momentary favorite. No one ever felt like they had defeated all the others and earned the title. The closest anyone’s ever come is Black Panther.
This is the best film of the Tom Holland Spider-Man trilogy. And that’s saying a lot, because this has been a pretty rippin’ trilogy up to this point. No Way Home wants to give Spidey fans everything they’ve ever dreamed of. And it does. It’s made with skill. It’s made with passion. It’s made with love. I’m not kidding when I say it blew away every single sky-high expectation I had for it.
This movie is the moment when Spider-Man became the first superhero to earn my top spot. Congrats, Peter Parker. The belt is yours.