8-Bit Christmas
SCREENPLAY: D
Maybe it’s unfair to compare this movie to A Christmas Story. We don’t compare every painting to Picasso. Nor every song to Beyonce. And we certainly do not compare all crunchy processed food snacks to the almighty Taki. But when you copy a movie’s plot, remix a bunch of its key scenes, and fill it up with variants of all its characters (including an endearing adult reminiscing about an impossible quest for a magical Christmas present), then we really have no choice. This movie isn’t just related to A Christmas Story, it feels like its literal offspring. While there’s a lot of fun in seeing the story updated for the 80’s, there’s little originality and no improvement on the original movie itself. It tries to be an homage but comes off more like a rip off.
ACTING: B-
Winslow Fegley is excellent as young Jake Doyle. His performance could easily have been whiny and repetitive. He instead delivers an earnest and unsappy performance. The fellow members of the young gang, Max Malas and Brielle Rankins in particular, are highlights as well. Every adult feels like they played a game where they pick a stereotype out of a hat and stick to it the entire movie. The adults aren’t overly important to the story in movies like this, so their performances won’t have any points taken off for being one dimensional. But they won’t earn any bonus points, either.
CRAFT: B
I grew up during the 80’s. This movie’s production design is legit. The Swatches. The snow boots. The plastic sports team souvenir cups. The gorgeous wood paneling. The legwarmers. I could go on. Forever. In addition, the music selection is chef’s kiss-delicious. If you spend ten seconds listening to Loverboy, Bonnie Tyler and Black Sabbath, you might find it bizarre to throw them all in the same movie. But can you believe that in the 80’s you might actually hear all three of these artists played, one right after the other, on the radio? The 80’s were truly wild times.
THE BULLY (Elective Class): D
Resident neanderthal bully, Josh Jagorski, is an area where this movie falls apart for me. That’s not Cyrus Arnold’s fault. He’s fine - good, even. But he’s sixteen feet taller than anyone else in his class. He’s hopped aboard the puberty train and left the station. Sure, the bully needs to be bigger than everybody else, but it’s unbelievable. Not in the good “unbelievable” way, like, “This sushi is unbelievable!” It’s unbelievable in the literally impossible sense of the word.
Despite all the ridiculous things that happen, A Christmas Story captures something real. It casts a spell over us and dunks us in the pure essence of childhood. Whenever Jagorski pops up, we’re reminded that this movie isn’t real. One reason A Christmas Story remains a classic is because of the way it feels more real than real life.
FINAL COMMENTS:
8 Bit Christmas is a fine movie, but I didn’t walk away saturated in holiday spirit. Because what is Christmas really about? It’s not about presents. It’s about family and friends and giving and gratitude. It’s about how the everyday moments of life should be filled with magic and generosity. If you’re only about the presents, you miss a lot of the season’s magic.
Every scene and sequence in the movie is about Jake’s quest for a Nintendo Entertainment System. He’s either trying to play it, trying to win it, or trying to get it for Christmas. Other than the ending (which made me tear up and I do admit does deliver a wonderful message), his mania never takes a scene off. Ralphie is just as obsessed about the Red Ryder BB Gun, but watch that movie again and see how often his attention is diverted away from it. It’s kind of shocking. There’s a ton of scenes that have absolutely nothing to do with his quest. The movie is filled with everyday moments that are made more magical because of the season. And that is the key bit of magic that keeps 8 Bit Christmas from joining the Yuletide classics.